Archive - March 2014

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What being middle aged really means…
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If you remember THIS, you’ll probably rent more apartments
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Raising kids is like this…
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The one thing about your residents you probably forgot today

What being middle aged really means…

“Middle aged is when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by 9 o’clock.” – Ronald Regan The gross realization that I am a man who has reached mid-life happened suddenly. I was taking my dog for a walk one evening last summer and as is the normal, I needed to use a doggie bag fairly quickly. There were no trash receptacles nearby so I had to carry the tied up bag in my left hand. 30 minutes later, as I got closer to home, I needed to use another bag. My dog eats a lot. With the leash and new bag in my right hand, and the tied bag in my[…]

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If you remember THIS, you’ll probably rent more apartments

There is no such thing as love at first sight. Certainly there are those butterflies that get your stomach queasy and make you think irrationally. Just five more minutes on the phone, you tell yourself, I want to share just one more thing with this person who fascinates me in ways I cannot explain to anyone outside of me. Real love, though, must be built using layers. I can tell you when I wanted my girlfriend to become my wife. It wasn’t a moment that caused a light to shine down from the heavens or a choir of angels to show up and begin to sing their harmonious song. It was much more subtle than that. My wife laughs. Loudly.[…]

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Raising kids is like this…

As I’ve told my wife, raising children isn’t necessarily hard work but a lot of repetitive work and constant reminders. Brush your teeth. Stop hitting your sister. Leave that alone. Get your hands out of your pants. No, you shouldn’t put ranch dressing on your fingers and eat it. One day last fall, while walking around a crowded festival we mistakenly thought the kids would like, I overheard an older couple talking: “You know what I always say, right?” “No, honey, what’s that?” “Raising kids is like getting pecked to death by a duck.” I laughed out loud. I wanted to hug that man for putting something into words that I was having trouble describing. What is having kids really[…]

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The one thing about your residents you probably forgot today

It was in the way she held her 4 year old son tightly against her chest, a crack of hallway light drifting into his dark bedroom. He was sobbing softly. She could feel his warm body through his Cars footy pajamas. “Honey, you are burning up. Let your mommy take your temperature.” It was in the way three generations of men lounged on the couch with the television blaring the football game. The moms and wives were sitting around the table in the other room talking and laughing and sharing. The fragrance from their open bottle of wine was filling their noses. It was in the way the newlyweds poured over their parsimonious bank statements in the dining room, his[…]

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