Archive - Jan 9, 2015

I need to start eating more carrots, I think

I need to start eating more carrots, I think

I’ve developed a technique, that I haven’t exactly patented yet, which involves using my fingers in a coordinated effort to dip both ends of a french fry into a small vat of buffalo sauce. I have mastered the art of unfolding the burrito at Chipotle to pour in more hot sauce and put it back together again correctly so it doesn’t collapse into a total mess. I can eat hot wings without leaving a trace of meat and I enjoy cheese steaks with mayo and hots. I can toss a cheese ball in my mouth without paying attention. Girl Scout cookies don’t come in enough rows. I love to eat. I also make poor choices. My body responds to these terrible[…]

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